Oi! You. Fatty Boomka. Yes, you.
Don’t look around at others. I am talking to you, bloke. And don’t be offended at being called “Fatty Boomka” either, precious, because I used to be you … And, just like you, my weight yo-yo-ed up and down for thirty-odd years …
Oh, come on. You have been on exactly the same yo-yo weight plan – very fat … pretty fat … not-so-fat-but-still-a-whole-lot-to-love … VERY bloody fat – and we both know it.
So began an article I wrote for Fairfax last New Year’s Day, before going on to detail how I had lost a quarter of my body weight simply by stopping the sugar and the grog – and, if I do say so myself, it was well-received in the first few days after publication.